Redemption, Part 2 -
Hammond retires - and Jack is about to! *Then* Wesley saves the day, and we're understandably PO'd. Sam kisses someone who isn't Jack, but he's so cool that we really don't mind (bad shipper!). Jack has a difficult decision to make: a Russian or Jonas...hmm...

Descent -
The first annual SG-1 wet t-shirt competition is won by the new guy. Jack and Sam start dating (come on - why *else* does he have his hands all over her?). Davis gets off world (woo hoo!), Jacob gets shot (d'oh!), and discusses his 'favourite planet' (uh huh) with Jack. Jonas eats a banana - and suggests an alien conspiracy to Teal'c.

Frozen -
Jack does something for Sam he would never do for anyone else. Janet has a *fab* new haircut, and is it just us, or do she and Jonas look really good together...? Byers and Cosmo discover something amazing. Jonas eats crappy food - and channels Daniel.

Nightwalkers -
Sam's eyes glow, as she's wearing LEATHER PANTS!!! Frustratingly, Jack's not there to see it. In fact, everyone (including Teal'c) has great fashion sense. Jonas eats a LOT, sucks a lollipop - and calls Sam 'Sam'. Eeep!

Abyss (v.1) -
Jack gets body snatched, then tortured by the hottest guy on the face of the Earth. Uh...on Ba'al's planet, anyway. He realises that he 'loves' her (hee hee), and oh - some guy called 'Daniel' turns up...yeah, whatever.

Abyss (v.2, by SelDear) -
Daniel wants to give Jack a glow job, but Jack ain't having none of it.

Shadow Play -
Al leaps into the body of a crazy scientist. Jonas discovers you *can* go home again - though it may not be there for much longer.

The Other Guys -
Two Stargate fans - Harold and Dr Phlox - sneak onto the set and cause mayhem. Sam kisses someone else who isn't Jack; it's so funny that we don't mind (bad shipper!).

Allegiance -
Bra'tac kicks ass! Jacob has a heart to heart with his future son in law. Jack plays with his big gun, but not before he's TOTALLY checking out Sam! And OH MY GOD - the 'episode that shall never be mentioned' is SERIOUSLY mentioned! EEEE! (passes out)

Cure -
Jack and Sam are joined at the hip, and talk about sex (hee hee hee). Dr Da Vinci/B'Etor makes the ultimate sacrifice. Jonas yet again wins the wet t-shirt competition (okay, so he's the only entry, but who cares?). Some blonde hussy tries to make the moves on him. Oh, and Jack and Sam are joined at the hip. Or did we mention that?

Prometheus -
Thor! He's too cute! RDA's Legend co-star/Q causes trouble. Jack gets knocked unconscious, Jonas doesn't eat anything, Teal'c wears shades and Sam plays about in the Jeffries Tubes. Most important, not only does Major Davis turn nasty, but he finally gets a first name!

Unnatural Selection -
Thor! He's too cute! Jonas does his 'Daniel morality' impression, Teal'c becomes extremely territorial about his ice cream, while Jack and Sam consider names for their baby. Another one bites the dust (kinda).

Sight Unseen -
{unable to write summary due to fishing invite-induced shock}

Smoke and Mirrors -
Kinsey's dead. Then he isn't. Major Davis kicks total butt. Yet another hot guy seems to be interested in Sam. And damn, if she'd only said 'yes' to the fishing invite, Jack would have had an alibi...

Paradise Lost -
Jack gets trapped thousands of miles from home, with no hope of return - but this time, there's a different Spawn of Satan. Teal'c and Sam get close in the locker room.

Metamorphosis -
In an episode quite clearly transplanted from mid-season four, Sam is zatted, held hostage, mutated, and very nearly dies. Bit of a sucky day, really. Jonas has a disturbingly close encounter of the Niirti kind, while Jack loses it.

Disclosure -
Thor gives Kinsey the finger.